Introduction:
In Australia, approximately 1 in 6 couples experience infertility, making assisted reproductive technologies like IVF increasingly common. Yet, despite its prevalence, many Aussies find themselves tongue-tied when it comes to supporting friends or colleagues undergoing IVF. Drawing from Kerry Downes’ insights in The Guardian, let’s explore how to navigate these conversations with empathy and a touch of Aussie humour.
What Not to Say: Avoid These Conversation Pitfalls
- “Oh, you’re not drinking?”
- This seemingly innocent question can feel intrusive. Many undergoing IVF abstain from alcohol, and pointing it out might spotlight their situation uncomfortably.
- “Children are overrated anyway.”
- Unless you’re a child-free-by-choice mate sipping champagne at an art gallery, this comment might come off as dismissive.
- “Why don’t you just adopt?”
- Adoption is a beautiful path, but suggesting it as a simple alternative can undermine the emotional and physical journey of IVF.
- “Who has the issue, then, you or him?”
- Personal and invasive. Best to steer clear.
- “How exciting!”
- While positivity is good, IVF is a rollercoaster. Overenthusiasm might not match your friend’s cautious optimism.
- “Well, you never know! Any holidays coming up?”
- The old “just relax and it’ll happen” myth isn’t helpful and can feel invalidating.
- “Did you find the donor online? Like shopping!”
- Questions about donors can be deeply personal. It’s best to let your friend share details if and when they’re comfortable.
What to Say: Offering Genuine Support
- “I’m sorry you’re having to go through this.”
- A simple acknowledgment can mean a lot.
- “I’m here for you if there’s anything you need.”
- Whether it’s a lift to the clinic or a chat over coffee, offering specific support shows you care.
- “I don’t really know much about it.”
- Honesty is appreciated. It opens the door for your friend to share, if they choose.
- “I’ll get this.”
- IVF can be financially draining. Covering a coffee or meal is a kind gesture.
- Nothing.
- Sometimes, silent support—like a thoughtful card or a comforting presence—speaks volumes.
- “I know someone else going through it, if you ever wanted to talk.”
- Connecting your friend with others on a similar journey can provide comfort and shared understanding.
IVF in Australia: Key Statistics
| Statistic | Data |
|---|---|
| Couples experiencing infertility | 1 in 6 |
| Average age of women undergoing IVF | 36 years |
| Cost per IVF cycle (approximate) | $5,000 |
| NHS-funded IVF cycles in England | 24% |
| NHS-funded IVF cycles in Scotland | 58% |
Source: Kerry Downes, The Guardian, 21 May 2025
Conclusion:
Supporting a friend through IVF doesn’t require grand gestures—just genuine empathy and thoughtful communication. By being mindful of your words and offering steady support, you can make a meaningful difference in their journey.
